there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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