and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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