Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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