you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
