Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
