Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
