I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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