Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
