I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
