Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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