My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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