***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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