Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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