I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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