I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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