You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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