Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize