take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
