He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize