I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
