oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
