I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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