These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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