Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
