plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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