i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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