Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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