I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
