Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
