is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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