WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
