Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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