Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize