I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
