apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
