yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
