I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
