Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
