Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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