dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
