would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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