3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
