What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
