I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
