I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize