Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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