I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
