Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
