She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize