Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
