I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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