My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize