Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
