but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
farters have to be the big spoon...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
