Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
