I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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