Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
