She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
