Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize