a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
