I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
