yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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