I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
