He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
