I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize