Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
