I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
