The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
