so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
