she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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