I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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