i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
