I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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