My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
