her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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