I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
